My Letter to You
by Nightcrawlerlover
Summary: Based on the Dead Letters Home Challenge. Kaiba writes a letter to the last person anyone would see as worthy of receiving any mail from him: Zachary Kralik from the episode Helpless in Season 3.


**Here's something I thought I'd cook up for the Dead Letters Home Challenge one day. Hope you like it! :)**

**Disclaimer: Genius Joss Whedon owns Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Kazuki Takahashi (also a genius) owns Yu-Gi-Oh. I own the crossovers and fanfics I cook up from time to time.**

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My Letter to You

Dear Zachary,

Well, it's happened. I can imagine you being all "But you're the Seto Kaiba! Rumor has it that he never gets sick, and that he never will die". Well, news flash for you, Zachary: I am human, after all, and I was more than likely to die anyway.

I still remember the look of shock on your face when I turned to you that one fateful day and said, "Zachary, you once confessed to me that you have a problem with mothers, which you are aware of". Well, this time, I have a confession of my own which may shock even a vampire such as yourself. (Before you ask, the answer is "yes". I do believe in the supernatural, thanks to Buffy Summers, the Slayer, having both shown and told me about the adventures she had and the villains she had stopped and/or killed.)

My confession is this. You see, I have a problem with stepfathers, and I am highly aware of that myself. To ante up the shock factor, here's the reason why: my intense dislike for stepfathers came from none other than my own stepfather, Gozaburo Kaiba. He was quite the mystery or puzzle I wanted to solve, though. Usually now, I wonder how he came to be the way he did. Did he himself suffer from abuse at the hands of a person he trusted, like maybe his own father or stepfather? Maybe his parents probably divorced and his mother remarried. I don't know. I never got the chance to ask him.

However, this mentioning of stepfathers makes me wonder about something. Did you, Zachary, ever have a problem with your father or stepfather (assuming you ever met him, of course)? Did he walk out on you and your mother one day when he saw that you were born? Sometimes I wonder if you ever had any problems with the men in your life...

Well, if you did meet any men who probably reminded you of your father, you probably killed them in the days before you were sired as a vampire (although my friend Spike here tells me that you only tortured and killed women, especially if they reminded you of your Mother Dearest). You know, you remind me of the serial killer Theodore Robert "Ted" Cowell-Bundy, as he had been badly betrayed by a woman - namely, his mother Eleanor Bundy, because she had lied to him about his roots, saying that his grandparents, Sam and Eleanor Cowell, were his mother and father, and that she, his own mother, was his older sister.

You can imagine, Zachary, that when Ted discovered the truth about his roots, he expressed a lifelong resentment toward his mother for lying about his true parentage and leaving him to discover it for himself. It is said that only he knew the real number of victims he had killed, and that he took that with him to his grave.

And by the way, Zachary, I'm sure that when you found out who Ted Bundy was and how he came to be the notorious serial killer we all know him as today, you were left to ponder a great mystery that puzzles not just myself, but also probably even your kind: _Why did Ted Bundy, who happened to be an intelligent, clean-cut and good-looking young man, commit such unspeakable crimes against people he didn't even know?_

I'm positive, Zachary, that if you had gotten your hands on him, it would've been either the bite from your powerful fangs or the snap of his neck that would've killed him and not the electric chair.

Well, I have to go now. Tell Mayor Richard Wilkins I said hello, and that I hope he is doing fine, as well as finally reunited with the woman known as his wife, Edna May. He sure was quite the guy when he and I first encountered each other, and I'm sure he has plenty of things to say about me as well: "clean cut", "neat young man with a great future", "intelligent, especially with computers", "can charm even a man with a violent temper into behaving himself" and "quite the perfectionist".

And tell Principal Snyder that he should get over any issues he had before he was killed. And be sure to inform him that if I had been there in Sunnydale High when he expelled Buffy (believing her to be a troublemaker, which I believe she isn't), then I would've simply looked him in the eye and told him this: _"These are moments you want to savor. You wish time would stop so that you could live them over and over again. Since Buffy is kicked out of school, then I am expelled as well"_. Then I would pause briefly before adding "Adolf Hitler" before turning my back on a shocked Snyder and leaving with Buffy.

Tell that Goddess Witch Glorificus she has to learn that basically the villains are real losers. Who wants the bad guys to win anyway? I know I don't.

Tell Warren Mears that if he ever gets the chance to challenge me - the Seto Kaiba - to a duel, then he will be defeated, as I've had plenty of practice with challenging the villains to a game of Duel Monsters and winning every time.

Inform that werewolf hunter Gib Cain that karma can be and is quite the backstabber, to put it nicely. It always gets both the protagonists and the antagonists (also known as the heroes and the villains) when they least expect it in the end. And that also means him as well.

Tell every villain you can find - especially that women-hating priest Caleb, Quentin Travers and all those who have come face to face with Buffy - that if I had a dime for every time they said the word "destiny", I'd be even richer than I am right now. _That_ would definitely shock them to the core, it would.

~Seto Kaiba

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**Feedback is appreciated, of course, especially the nice kind...**


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